Finding the right person can be a daunting task if you repeatedly keep falling for the wrong one. Well, they say that before finding the prince, you have to kiss a lot of frogs. Interestingly, a lot of people find themselves with the wrong one time and again, and they end up feeling that finding true love is not their thing anymore. The result may leave one with the notion that there is not true love out there when the problem lies within them, and things can work out if they took time to understand and correct their mistakes.
Everyone has a general idea of characteristics their prospective significant other needs to possess before a relationship. There are those who are attracted to physical appearance while others are drawn to personalities. Even with such clarity, something goes wrong somewhere and you find yourself back to the drawing board.
To start, you need to figure out what you’re doing that keeps bringing you back to the same spot. Go ahead and understand the situation and then brainstorm on potential solutions to this quagmire. First, let us take a look at several pointers as to why one finds themselves in a mess all the time and how to solve it.
You’re afraid that you’ll be alone forever
Out of fear, you always give in to anyone who seems attracted to you even when the feeling is not mutual. And mainly because you’re scared that this is it otherwise, you might never find someone else, for good. After a while, you realize that there’s no excitement and you’d rather stay away from them.
This calls for a change in the sense and perception of self. You need to see yourself as a complete entity, and the presence of another person should not stop you from living a full life.
Lack of self-esteem
Some people lack self-confidence, and always feel that they don’t have much to offer the other person, especially if they have a higher regard for them. When you are confident, you can always find the flaws which are always deeper than physical appearance. You can ask questions and have the sense to pick up the red flags. This way, you can avoid committing to something that’s bound to fail long before it deepens.
The belief that you can change them
There are times you find yourself attracted to someone who has most of the traits that you’re looking for but there’s always that one annoying habit. The problem comes in when you feel that you’re the person who can strengthen their weaknesses and fix all their flaws. Your frustrations come in when it dawns on you that personality changes can only be initiated through personal volition. You cannot decide for the other person.
You let others decide for you
We all need our friends and family because we’re created as social beings. However, when it comes to matters of love, it needs to be a personal decision. You are the only one who knows and understands yourself best thus at an advantage to pick out the best person to relate with. Therefore, in as much as you need your friends to enlighten and advice you, they should not push you to pick someone that you are unsure of.
You have not defined your standards and goals
Everyone has beliefs, personal preferences, and a certain set of moral standards. These influence our choices and limits in most areas of our lives. They also help us to set up the level of standards our relationships need to attain and consequently influence relationship partner choices.
If you set your standards the wrong way, you will end up in an unsatisfactory relationship. Your relationship goals also need to be definitive. They may not be perfect, but you must know your rights and what your entitlement.
You overlook your deal-breakers
Apart from setting up relationship goals and high standards, you need to formulate tangible deal breakers. These are traits and habits that you cannot tolerate; thus they work as an indicator of who to avoid. They will help you to filter out the undesirable ones, and help you avoid heartaches and pain in the future.
Some of these traits may include laziness, bad grooming, smoking, and too low/high self-confidence. Overlooking your deal breakers can cause a lot of indifference, discordance and constant conflicts. It might also be the reason why you keep falling for the wrong person.
You get into the next relationship too fast
At times you keep getting it wrong because of personal issues and that you have not taken time to have self-scrutiny and discover them. Falling for the wrong partner oftenly may also be a reflection of who you are. It’s best to take time and stay single for a while, pay attention to self and get clarity on the goals you want to achieve out of the next relationship.