Individuals seem to fight with those that they love the most. Couples tend to fight a lot because they are two people with two separate minds and sometimes they don’t see eye to eye. When you spend much time together with someone, you’re bound to disagree on things at some point. Tips for resolving disagreements allow you to have reasonable reactions when you are not in agreement with your spouse. A person you love can easily trigger you emotionally because you care deeply about them. Reactions tend to be complex because they are also influenced by our personal histories. Other factors that contribute to the degree of conflict you experience includes the critical inner voices in your head, psychological defences as well as your early attachment patterns. You have the power to make things better, and all you have to do is make an effort to ease tension.
1. Embracing Vulnerability
This is the most important aspect of resolving conflicts because often couples focus on secondary emotions rather than primary emotions. Being in touch with your primary emotions puts you in control so that you don’t let secondary emotions complicate your reaction. When you are aware of your primary emotion and allow yourself to feel, you’ll be in a position to better communicate with your partner.
The key is to express what you want based on what you feel. Additionally, embracing vulnerability allows your partner to know you better. Even though this might be challenging, but letting your guard down in a moment of conflict is exactly what you need to do to get to the solution.
When you embrace mindfulness and be more aware of yourself and your partner, you allow yourself to disrupt destructive cycles. Being in control of your emotions, thoughts and actions ensure that you achieve closeness with your partner.
2. Allow Yourself to To Feel but Choose Your Actions
Even though it is recommended that you be in touch with your emotions, remember to choose your actions. It would help if you always remembered that calming down in a moment of tension does not mean you have to bury your emotions. Creating a healthy avenue for expressing anger and other intense emotions is the right path towards achieving a solution.
It would help if you explored your emotions to understand where they are coming from. Your emotions are an excellent clue to who you are. Besides, taking time to sort through every emotion allows you to express them in a way that is adaptive and helpful. You cannot choose your emotions, but you can ensure that your actions align with whom you’d like to be.
3. Unilateral Disarmament
Momentarily dropping your side of the debate in an argument allows you to approach you’re your partner from a loving stance. Unilateral disarmament is a tool you can use to defuse arguments before they get out of hand. When you drop your half of the dynamic, you ensure they both of you don’t end up festering bitterness and frustrations.
When you care more about winning the argument that the wellbeing of your relationship with your partner, both of you will get to a point where you resent each other. Unsuccessful communication can be very dangerous for the wellbeing of relationships as it causes spouses to grow apart.
When spouses have pent up frustrations overflowing, every argument is bound to escalate and get out of hand. This results in flawed communications because when people are defensive, they are likely to understand everything their partner says as an attack. Unilateral disarmament allows you to show your partner that you are more focused on winning them over rather than winning the argument.
4. Being Receptive Rather than Defensive
You will only be in a position to extend a compassionate attitude when you first work on calming yourself down. When you are more focused on defending, reacting or counter-attacking, you won’t be able to listen to understand. Listening to your partner’s words accurately is very important because you could internalize neutral comments as fighting words. Your state of mind needs to be in your control, so you connect with your partner.
A receptive state of mind allows you to be present with your partner and allow them to communicate with you fully. You need to allow your state of mind to be influenced by your partner’s state of mind. The key to being receptive is rejecting the filter of your critical inner voice and see your partner for who they are.
Relationships are beautiful, but they require work to stay that way. Finding ways of accurately communicating with your partner allows you to let them in on what is bothering. Often times people focus more on how certain emotions make them feel rather than letting themselves feel. The key to having important and adaptive conversations is letting you feel but choosing your reactions. Always remember to show your spouse that you care more about them than winning an argument.